mountain laurels & rattlesnakes

notes from the uberground;

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 23:59:51 GMT

my boyfriend has mononucleosis and is broke out in a rash.

johan called us from the road, and i dont speak french well enough to know what the recording on his phone is saying. i hope he (they) are not deported or in jail or something.

i need pictures.

sebastian is asleep. i clean. i cook. i sew.

life is fast. dustin's girlfriend gave me the best hug ive ever had. i really like her. and i miss him.

i was gonna buy 3 different scwinns, but shit happened, so i didnt. now im depressed. i got a mongoose for 6 bucks at the thrift store. the gears are all fucked up. i dont want a fixie, but it kind of got neutered by its previous owner, so a fixie it will be. ill name it eunuch. or eunice. but i already named a server at work eunice? a server... a computer server. not a waitress server.

i harvested a half bushel of green beans, some cucumbers (ew) and LOTS of banana peppers. the carrots are lazy because of the clay soil, and the tomatoes are all green.

i love having half my head shaved.

mew mew mew mew noo noo noo noo noo noo noo noo noo noo noo noo

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 04:36:33 GMT

i think that im the only person in the world that goes through a list of things im thankful for in my head before making a wish, stating out loud that i do not wish for these things to be taken away in exchange for said wish. its like a horribly drawn out legal document.. a dialogue ill sometimes have with myself outloud in the bathroom.

speaking of wishes, someone give me 132 thousand for this house;

its for sale, and its amazing. and its expensive. the market in somerset isnt only not in decline, its actually on the upswing. yay for the rich people. i'd totally buy it if i thought id live in somerset the rest of my life. im betting on the netherlands though.

the french crusty band that played here monday was just fucking amazing.

sebastian wont stop pulling his weiner out of his shorts. its so funny.

we're the kids in america

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 01:52:57 GMT

the highlight of last weekend was getting to meet lars frederiksen. just another lesson in why pretty boys dont need beards. i didnt comb my hair for the past two weeks (because i just straight up stopped using conditioner) and though it has formed pretty heinous tangles (dreadlocks), it doesnt look like it just stepped off the exxon-valdez.

i love lawnmower deth

also,
to be so fucking freaked out by japan, i sure do eat alot of pocki and do alot of origami. i guess these nice, tiny, cute things kind of even out with the bizarre pedophillic mutilations. maybe.

i need more 1990s colors in my life. why doesnt goodwill sell that shit anymore?

hey hey mama

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 16:27:13 GMT

well, looks like its back to nashville again this weekend. thanks guys.

stimulus czech

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 17:15:19 GMT

maybe its not the fact that i recorded a commercial to-be-aired in podunk, kentucky recurring on the multiple country stations, but so much the realization that im probably not considered a fuckup anymore. if they can sell my success story, i guess it means im not a complete failure. right?

ive been having a new sex dream every night, and feeling extra camraderie during the day. damn you, summer sun. someone has slipped me something, i know it.

blue, blue, blue

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 03:39:01 GMT

today i sat in a bojangles in god knows where, alabama eating mashed potatoes, contemplating my life.

so they say

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 04:28:33 GMT

i got my portrait drawn by Francesco di Santis for http://www.voicesforappalachia.org/. he is the same guy who did post katrina portraits. i consider it a birthday present. i cant wait to write about how my uncle dink (before he died) was the Executive Director of the Virginia Mining Association, and how my family used to own what is now Manalapan/Sigmon coal company and how i'm yet another member of the countless "save the mountains" charities, and how like the sulphur water that trickles down our mountain streams, i dont feel like these things will ever get out of my veins.

i went to whitesburg last week. it was a little heart wrenching, but fun. kind of like hiding my mom's risperidol! i got to see the squat, the accents, the coal littered between the gravel, kudzu, and everything else. it still made me sad to see that the crowd keeps getting smaller and smaller. and everyone smokes too much goddamn pot. people just sit around and nod their heads. i tackled travis, and then mark (at the end of their set) but i guess thats what a merch person does-- goes nuts when not many others in the crowd do.

i have another toothache. today was chads birthday. im trying to convince him to move to asheville. its the same distance from my old house to asheville, as it is from this house to louisville. near my old house on top of black mountain you can see the tennesee/north carolina border on a clear day.

im going to birmingham this weekend with the family. my corn has been blown sideways by the last storm we had. my tomatoes are coming in too. im excited about my garden. im excited about life now. im excited that i ate indian food again and now my sweat smells like falafel. im excited that sebastian is almost 2 and is already up to my waist. im excited that chad is excited about life.

toothache.

ps: ive got some really, really awesome bruises from the past week :)

Sat, 14 Jun 2008 16:54:05 GMT

23 has thus far been fabulous.

n/a

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 23:43:54 GMT

so your putting me in the newspaper for my birthday?
all i wanted was some yuengling and to sleep late.

what do you want.

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 19:35:08 GMT

why is it that in the past week, ive saw several (at least five) people who look like the fellow from reggie and the full effect?

why do secretaries who are paid to know what to order think when you say "im vegetarian" that they can order you a pizza that has vegetables on it, yet still put meat on it too?

why is it that my friend can walk straight up to someone who dislikes her and start talking like they were old pals, yet i cant do the same thing (though my transgressions were not as harmful) and be met with any sort of..anything?

aside from sebastian having a fever and working at the office all day most every day, life is okay. jake is in right now, and mike is coming in next week for two weeks (he's throwing me a party!) and my birthday is wednesday. so im gold, i guess. i sat through another two or so hours of tattooing today and next time, ill go through two more and hopefully be done. slow process.

I really want a zebra print bikini.

swell

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 04:36:11 GMT

yeah.. on both sides. i got an owl on one side and a blackbird on the other.

aim: queenbribaby

Sat, 31 May 2008 23:03:53 GMT

listen sugar cakes, you said yourself, you dont know me and i don't know you. so please dont talk to me or tell me what to do, let alone tell me i will pay for it. Because you could never do anything to physicaly or emotionaly harm me.
I can talk to whom ever i want with out your permission, belive it or not. and if you threaten me again ill with get athorities involved. And i can gerentee that i am much richer than you and that my lawyers would laugh in your court apointed lawyers face.
bye
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ..lauren drewcifer..
Date: May 31, 2008 3:07 AM

i dont know you, and you dont know me. i really would just like to please ask that you just leave travis alone. he's out of your life. i dont even know the shit that went down, and i dont care to know. and no, he's not putting me up to this, so you can't use that as some sort of "OMG TRAVIS IS PUTTING HIS FRIENDS UP TO THIS" bullshit. its just out of hand that someone who has moved on with his life and progressed so much gets to get flak from you out of nowhere. its goddamn stupid that this shit has to happen. im sure there are tons of people in and around new hampshire that could easily become just as much of a target instead of him--why not one of them? travis is back here in KY with us where he belongs. he doesn't bother you with his existence anymore. from one stranger to another, please, just leave him alone. block him from all your lists and erase his name from everything. i can't say that some great militia will come here from po'ass white trash KY (cause GOD knows that we just cant afford that shit-- we got ter feed our 10 youngins!), however you will be doing yourself a great karmic and/or emotional injustice if you don't. life doesn't just forget about transgressions like that-- no matter what you believe in.

kind regards,

drew

~*~*~*~*~BRI!*!*!!*!*!!

let it be known that
a) i in no way threatened her, in fact, i said the exact opposite, that noone would come to NH (cause we're all poor anyway!!! :D)
and
b) that she tried to pay some chick travis was fucking while he lived at the C squat (or in vermont? ) to OD him on heroin.
and
c) travis has moved back here to ky with his friends, kicked the sauce, and hasnt spoken to this broad in a long while. she just messages him out of nowhere to tell him that noone loves him because he's a homeless diseased junkie. >:( well his friends love him.

this lady be fucked up

also, i got two new tattoos. heeeeyyy

at the mention of going it overseas alone;

Wed, 28 May 2008 11:33:19 GMT

my heart has become weak, brittle, but worst of all, scared.

pine mountain

Mon, 26 May 2008 03:55:22 GMT

theres a mother crying alone somewhere, and all you all can think of is richard brautigan and liquor.
the goddamn irony.

mind you,

Sat, 24 May 2008 19:50:51 GMT

im pretty psychic with my son. whether you believe in the slightest bit of esoterics or not, you have to admit that childbirth is an ethereal experience.

the tattoos that drew (tattoo artist) has drawn up for me are fabulous.

Appalachia the Scapegoat (Racism in America)

Thu, 22 May 2008 03:27:29 GMT

listen!!

i miss ada.

boston is bananas

Sun, 18 May 2008 05:19:11 GMT

i really feel kind of lucky that hannah is in town. i mean, not for her, but for me.

all the girls standing in the line for the bathroom,

Fri, 16 May 2008 00:26:52 GMT

i got my gold bikini top in the mail.
lets talk about some polaroids. & chocolate chip waffles tonight.

d'

Thu, 15 May 2008 01:24:28 GMT

sometimes when i think about my horrible childhood i keep remembering my uncle, who lays around in his underwear doing nothing but watch the science fiction channel on television and eat chicken kiev. or the river bank that i would tear out of the house to. while my family came looking for me (i was not allowed out of the house much as a child at all) i would furiously stuff pages i had colored into vodka bottles that had washed up on the bank and then throw them back out into the river. for those two minutes between escaping out of the house and getting whipped with a tree branch on the way back to the smoky house with cuckoo clocks and owl paintings, i was free.

iggy is getting ill again (i spoke too soon) and someone stole my bike right from in front of my house. this makes me furious... it was a huffy from 1992-- how much money could you really get out of it? is it worth one, maybe two hits of meth? assholes. i took black electrical tape and wrote "bring back our bike" on my garage really big. its hard to make those on drugs feel any sort of remorse, so i doubt it will be a brick through their windshield, alas, it made me feel better.

i wonder what mr. and mrs. fate are thinking.

moldy

Tue, 13 May 2008 01:11:51 GMT

i think i am a negative energy magnet, or else i have a cap on the amount of good that can come into my life at one time. when sebastian stops being sick for a moment, or i come into some money, something invariably happens. im that bottle of rc you left in the sun, or freezer.

rosie is dead. well, more like she's unconscious on the respirator. she made a crunching sound and just quit working. apparently a piston is bent (wtf? how does that happen?) and its not worth fixing. i can sell her for scrap and trade the vulcan-volvo in for something, i guess. rosie is like a part of my family, i think i'll have a hard time accepting that she's gone.

the gigantic victorian house that was 4 bedrooms of awesomeness with huge ceilings, cat claw tub and jacuzzi and 2 acres of cheap i-dont-know-what-i-have was just too good to be true. hello, lead paint! :( gotta keep looking i suppose.

the bright side? i guess we're not going to die of lead poisoning (or being haunted to death, or freezing because there are only two fireplaces). rosie has died young though. :(

i got a good book in the mail. i also really enjoy going to the flea market. its not everywhere you can go to buy fresh zucchini bread, or a pot bellied pig for a pet, or to overhear english, spanish and dutch spoken conversationally. i saw my sister, brother and other brother yesterday, for the first time in a year or two. i bought two kissing dutch people. i wish bebeman didnt pinch me on the tit in his sleep.

i have night dreams of those houses in the book. whats keeping us away? i swear to god, when i find a house, im going to paint it the deepest shade of blue i can find with pink curtains.

bleu, bleu, l'amore est bleu...

policy

Wed, 07 May 2008 13:05:57 GMT

today is absolutely all nerves. tattoo nerves, finals nerves (world politics), and the underlying psychological response of some guy in san francisco reading a spreadsheet with all my hard work that could make or break an account, put into a cookie press, squeezed out into little acceptable dots, critiqued for any and all bad perceptions, then neatly emailed back to me and all my bosses and their bosses and their bosses' bosses' boss.

i don't feel like i live in omaha, or kansas city, though. meaning that i'm not slipping comfortably via indie song and new d&g shoes into some new long term role. i still wonder where corporate culture has room for an invasive plant such as me. i dont even know how i identify. i don't identify. we're hawking education, though. not useless products, or things that actually need intensive marketing strategies.

study, drew.

pup the unks.

Sat, 03 May 2008 20:47:59 GMT

yesterday, i cashed six check$$ including money mom owed me, income taxes, and pay checks. tattoos, ho!
i got another promotion, and to be honest, its really fucking scary-- the responsibilities i'll have now.
i bought some OK tiramisu and ate it with my fingers.
ive ate pizza for five days straight, as well.
i found two morrissey cds at the flea market this morning.
im gardening with the mother i never had on monday.

if(when) i go to san francisco, the dates ill be going the murder junkies will be playing in oakland. im nervous, cause it is oakland and its been years since ive been in the city by myself, but its merle fucking allin. i guess i could brave getting raped and stabbed to meet him. meeting merle allin would be the cherry on top of my 15 tier suprize san francisco cake.

im putting the leftover crack baby punchers patch on the back of sebastian's vest.

i know its all non-coherent and random, but that's about the extent of life right now. i've been having a wild time.

voot

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 03:30:54 GMT

im boycotting my fuckin house.
i want to move to goddamned amsterdam.
id pay someone real money to be there right now.

squatting, drinking wine and riding bikes. they've made a culture of it.
i get 4 or 5 hours of sleep.

edit:

all it takes is a trip to your friends house a few minutes outside of town where hippies and punks with dreads congregate, and read poetry and make wine (and offer you their vegetarian food, and use of their great pyrenees puppy to cuddle with) to rejuvenate you.
apparently there's some property for sale next to a yurt where some diy punk kids (whom i had never met!) live, and they wanna show us around tonight. im so excited!

sweden

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 23:10:48 GMT

well, i aquired the blackberry from work, and it is proving to be much more trouble than its worth. i tried to call at&t customer service to get it unlocked and i have to have brad (the guy who owned it's) social security number, mothers maiden name, etc to get it unlocked. plus cell one said that it would cost more money (from 25 a month to 45 a month) to get added on to the BB data plan-- so i could get emails and connect to the internet. what a fuckin ripoff! i already pay twenty five a month to get shit like that on my nokia phone-- and i get AIM too. im about ready to sell it for about 200 bucks on ebay. if i knew it was going to be this much trouble i probably would have stayed with my shitty jacked up flip phone. but god i hate flip phones.give me a brick any day of the week. or something that the screws arent falling out of that i dont have to ducttape together so people can hear me.

sebastian recognizes alot of things now. he knows "pooh" and "ocpus" (oswald the octopus) and my favorite, "malmo" (elmo). it is the cutest. his poor sinuses have been bothering him lately too.

on thursdays, some girls and i decided to have a girls night, to contrast with the sausage party held every thursday that excludes us.
hopefully this week chads mom and i will be planting a garden together. i just got the rosetta stone software for french, so hopefully the whole family will be speaking it in just a few short weeks. yeah.

not much else, really.

you oughta be in pictures

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 21:04:44 GMT

1 ) today i went to court to challenge a speeding ticket i received. the ticket said i was going 76 in a 55. i told the prosecutor that i was more certainly not, and furthermore that the officer wrote "jetta" instead of "beetle" and obviously was not paying much attention. i won, and had to pay 15 dollars plus fees with no points taken off my license.

2 ) today i called a landlord, and the conversation went like this:

"hi. does your apartment have hardwood flooring?"
"yes. yes it does."
"wonderful. how many bedrooms?"
"three."
"perfect. how much a month?"
"695 for everything, including utilities."
"wow. amazing. let me run this by my fiancee and..."
"wait. you're not married?"
"no, i um..."
"sorry, this is unacceptable."
"i do appreciate your concern, sir, however i have been with my fiancee for five years and we have a son. i assure you you have nothing to worry about."
"i have rented to unmarried couples before and all it does is create problems. sorry, this is unnacceptable." *click*

so...i did what the logical person would have. i went and bought chadwick a chicken sandwich in return for him calling up the guy, pretending to be someone interested with a fiancee, then reaming him for being such a discriminative old codger.

3 ) mr cleberg during acting class (during screen testing) said that i have such a "lovely, photogenic face. you really need to be in my movies." ohhh lovely. i'd much rather take screen acting over play acting anyday.

4 ) i told my boss id buy the company's shitty scratched up blackberry for $20 bucks. here's hoping kid, there's no way id actually pay $299 for that thing. it has scratches all over it where a toddler has used it for a chew toy, but i dont care. i just want a magic text machine.

i give today a perfect 5.